Thursday, December 13, 2007

I Beg of Thee Take Mercy

I know I've been gone for a super long time and I'm sure whatever lame excuse I could come up wiht for being gone wouldn't really suffice (especially since i'm so judge-y when you guys take hiatuses) so I'll spare you the lameness. My absences has not gone unpunished by the blogger gods. A series of strange yet unfortunate events have occured recently and I attribute it to my being away for so long.

At first, it seemed that things were going my way. I went into the beauty store and found this lovely long curly weave for...wait for it...$8.99. So I beginning thinking that the weave gods have blessed me with this beautiful, synthetic creation b/c I'm so very deserving of pretty and cheap weave. Well it seems that the weave gods met with the blogger gods and determined that I was not deserving at all of this fortune because that damn weave made me break out on my cheeks. It was itchy and everything. Now yes the weave packet was a little suspect looking, and yes I found it sitting in a cardboard box labled for sale with a black sharpie, and yes the hair was extremely flammable (seriously flammable I put a flat iron to it and I smelled like burnt plastic all morning) but still the gods did not have to do me like that!

I also thought that things were looking up when my old manager at the Limited called me and personally requested that I come back and help her out during the holiday season. I was like wow, extra cash, a banging discount, and fun fun fun! I was wrong wrong wrong! Despite working for 3 weeks I havent been paid yet (b/c I filled out my W4 over the phone and did it wrong), the discount for vicky's secret and express no longer exists b/c they aren't under the same parent company anymore, and customers are assholes so it removes any fun one might have working at the mall. The really awful thing is that I've apparently gained a ridiculous amount of weight since I was 18 because now, none of the fucking clothes fit correctly!

So part of the reason I've been away is because I was trying to study for a final. I really had to study hard because I didn't complete any homework during the semester. In spite of my disregard for homework assignments I managed to have a 73% in the class. Now since I'm firm believer in the "C's get degrees" mantra I decided to work hard to keep it. The blogger gods did not think this was a good enough excuse to neglect them so they punished me by having the batteries in my calculater die mere minutes into my exam. They were dead dead too, not fading out dead, not I'm going to switch the batteries around and hope it comes back on dead, but dead as a doorknob dead (by the way I never understood that cliche). I was in my accounting exam using the edge of the paper to do long division!!! I mean lets be real who the hell remebers how to do long division? How dare my $90.00 Texas Instrument fail me!!! I am now praying to the real God that I managed to pull a C on that exam or that everybody else in the class failed causing my professor to curve heavily.

The worse punishment that I may be recieving is that now I may not have any of my 4.75 readers to complain to (my preganant friend and her dog read this blog therefore accounting for the 1.75 readers). Please blogger gods I am repenting! I can not take anymore of the cruelty you are inflicting upon me. I throw myself at your mercy!!!


*B* Fab said...

LOL! I am here! I have been away but I'm back now :-) Blogging is my get-a-way from life :-) Lo siento about all of your misfortunes chick but it will ALL get better!!!

Mademoiselle M said...

I'm so here too! There were many-a-day when I was tempted to throw some ultimatums your way lol. But you saved yourself soon enough! I'm sorry to hear about the weave but especially that exam! Dude, that sucks :(

Stick around this time, I bet everything will get better!

WendyB said...

I accept your humble apology.

Tom_Gurl said...

You've still got me!!!!

Sorry but I did laugh alot during your post...except where your calculator died-that's some serious business! Hope you pull a C missy.....!

I hope you've learned your lesson!! Blog hiatus without prior warning is unacceptable round these parts! lol!!