Sigh

So I already explained to you guys how I work with a bunch of crazies. Well one crazy in particular really rubbed me the wrong way. Amy Winehouse took her "I want to be black"-ness a bit to far today. For some reason when a incredibly sexy, black client walked into today, she felt the need to go on and on about how sexy that "nigga" was. Now granted she said "nigga" instead of "nigger" and I'm sure for some people out there that distinction is important. To me it really doesn't make a difference. Its inappropriate to say especially in the workplace. I'm pretty pisssed not because she said it but because of how I reacted to it. I basically ignored it. I really didn't know what to say or do. Its not like I've never heard the word tossed around before, it used to be a part of my everyday vocabulary. I know she's not a racist and didn't mean it in a hurtful manner. I'm kind of angry because it makes me wonder why she thought that using that kind of vernacular would be appropriate to me. I don't even understand why she feels the need to speak with a "blaccent" when she talks with me. I don't speak like that to her so I don't know why she thinks she needs to change her voice and tone when she speaks with me. I don't want to go to higher ups with the issue because the girl is on the verge of being fired and I'm sure that this would result in her recieving her pink slip. I also don't ignore the fact that she says it but confrontation is not my strong point. I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope that by the time she says it again I have an elequent and gentle response.

Wear Black

Tomorrow, I will be wearing my new, black wrap dress that I just bought, but it won't be for the paralegal I have my eye on. It will be in support of the Jena 6. I hope you guys will join me!

*kisses and cupcakes*

Cat Attack

Last night on the way home from the gym I ran over a cat. I can tell you with a reasonable degree of medical certainty, that the cat is dead. It was a black and white cat that looked someting like this:


It was kinda cute (for a cat), and probably had an old owner who loved it dearly, much like the cat in the photo. It probably liked to play with yarn and meow and do some other cat-like shit.


The fact that the cat is dead is not what upsets me though. I'm upset because I told a few of my very good friends that I hit the cat and they all of sudden get all judge-y on me. Now, granted I am a known cat hater and have threatened the life of more then one cat, but that is no reason for them to just assume that I didn't try to avoid the cat. I tried so hard to avoid that damn cat that I nearly killed myself....Well not really, but I definetely could have jumped the curb and popped a tire, which would really suck because I spent all my money shopping so I would have had to ride around on a donut until next paycheck. But I digress...


I don't appreciate being labeled as a serial cat murderer just because I don't like cats. I've killed one cat in my entire 22 years of life, I don't think thats all that bad. I also got yelled at for not calling somebody to come help the cat after I ran over it. The cat is DEAD, who the hell would I call? I hope nobody thinks I would spend the $1.75 fee that my cell phone provider charges to call 411 so I could call the humane society. Not happening.



I love how all my friends forget about how cats try to kill ME. I'm allergic, so a cat just being around me could cause me to die...Well not really, but it definetely makes me itchy and sneezey and my throat gets all scratchy. Still it's incredibly uncomfortable! I'm sure it's not as uncomfortable as death, but it's certainly uncomfortable nonetheless. Not to mention, I have been the subject of many unprovoked hissing and scratching attacks. But despite all of that I still manage to find the good in those animals (they kill rats) and tried with every fiber in my being to avoid hitting that poor cat yesterday. But I guess that's not good enough for my jerk friends who all of a sudden became pro-cat and anti-me.



Why aren't they mad at the cat for its high risk behavior? Clearly the cat was a house cat, why was it out of its neighborhood? Why was it out of its house? Where is the old owner that is supposedly grieving said cat? That owner probably wanted the cat to die. Maybe, just maybe I've been set up. The cat could have been extremely rich, since so many animals are , and its disgruntled caretaker probably carefully planned its death last night. Yup, I'm pretty sure thats it, because I am no murderer!

When Life Gives You Lemons...Go Shopping!

I've had a pretty hellish week and felt that I deserved some new stuff. I haven't been shopping since FOREVER and I may have went a little overboard this friday. I spent about three quarters of my check in a little under three hours. Now I'm a shopping pro so I very rarely get buyers remorse, but after I figured out that I spent 60 hours worth of work in 3 hours I got a little lightheaded. Now I'm looking at all my new purchases with the evil eye and I'm seriously considering returning them. The only problem with returning them is that I love them all and I really don't see how I can live life without them. Let me explain...

My first fabulous new piece is a psychadelic looking dress (read tunic), that is so short that if I was ever photographed in it I would be posted on DaddyLikey's Don't Showcha Your Chocha Series. Don't judge me...I like to get trampy on the weekends.

I also purchased a pair of black mary jane pumps that clearly I can't return because they bring back sweet memories of my favorite Junior High outfit. They also resembele the Manolo version so much that even Carrie Bradshaw would be fooled.

Yes. I know. They are glorious.

I bought a black wrap dress that's conservative enough to wear to work but sexy enough that the cute paralegal down the hall has no choice but to ask me out for lunch.

I went into Macy's and bought this silver Kathy Van Zeeland hobo. Now I know what you guys are thinking, Kathy bags are so gaudy and obnoxious. That is not the case with my Kathy bag. My Kathy bag is slightly ostentatious but still tasteful. It's expressive without being loud. Here is a picture of it's black cousin who is not nearly as cute...

The black isn't very photogenic, but trust me when I say that the silver is a dream!

I also bought a another dress, two more pairs of shoes, and some jeans that aren't really worth explaining but are all special in their own ways. I don't want to return any of these items because...well who cares why. I NEED clothes. I never have anything to wear and I feel that I was entitled to some retail therapy. NOTHING is going back!

Thanks for your time though.

kisses and cupcakes=)

Happy Rosh Hashanah

Turns out everybody at my job is Jewish. That means the poor lil black girl who loves Jesus will be working overtime for the remainder of the week just so the practice doesn't shutdown during the holiday. I feel like if they can get off for Christmas, then I should be able to celebrate the Jewish new year. But I guess things don't work like that.

This is my way of telling you that posts will be scarce in the upcoming days. I'm going to to take a nap now...

DUH!!!

As you may have discovered from reading my blog, I am incredibly dramatic. It should come as no suprise then that I have friends that are equally as dramatic. This past Friday my best guy friend called me and my cousin in an extremely distressed fashion and asked him to meet him for dinner. My friend is usually a jovial person so his depressed tone had me and my cousin perplexed. On our way to dinner me and my cousin ran through all the possible reasons he could be depressed and why he would need to see us so urgently. We came up with the following possible scenarios:

1. His mother has found him a wife and is forcing him into an arranged marriage. This option was highly feasible because he's from Afghanistan and because his mother brought two potential wives to his graduation party.

2. He was fired from his new teaching positon at a Muslim private school for forcing the students to learn the pledge of allegiance. So now he needs to borrow money from both of us

3. He's dying

Option three was least likely because he's only 23 and is fairly healthy. But the idea gained more steam once we started putting our facts together. Our friend had mentioned how he caught a strange bug in Europe at the beginning of the summer that he never treated because he doesn't have any insurance. We also noticed that on some of his new myspace pictures he looks about 40 lbs lighter. In our regular dramatic fashion me and my cousin had determined that our dear friend was in fact dying from a tragic and horrible disease and would be telling us tonight at Guapo's Restuarant and Bar that he only has six months to live. Since our friend showed up for dinner about half an hour late we had plenty of time to work ourselves into hysterics. The fact that we had downed large margaritas before he arrived did not help with our emotions. When he finally sat down he had tears in his eyes and was shaking so hard that he couldn't take a sip of his drink. He begins by telling us how much he loves us and that we are his closets friends on the planet and that he hope we won't be too hurt by what we're about to hear. The tension is too much and by now all three of us are at the damn table crying. We beg him to just spit it out that we can handle whatever he throws at us.

He tells us that he's gay...

We reply with, "Are you fucking kidding me? That's what you had to tell us?"

DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's more of a Will then a Jack but he is CLEARLY homosexual. It's something we've known since freaking middle school. I'm proud that he finally stopped lying to himself and us but he really put us through changes. Turns out that the bug he caught was nothing serious at all, and that he lost weight because he wanted to look good for his new gay life. He then told us that he wanted us to come to a gay bar with him next week and we instantly jumped at the chance (neither one of us has ever been). I'm pretty excited to see how it turns out and of course I'll let you guys know how goes=)

Junior High Fashion Confessions

Winona over at daddylikey.blogspot.com has come up with a genius and hilarious new contest. The contest allows one to relive horrific fashion choices from junior high as well as judge others for their even worse fashion sense. The winner will recieve a junior high flashback gift package that includes: a bottle of Revlon's Charlie perfume, Bonne Bell chapstick, a Boyz II Men cd, and much more! You know you can't resist a prize package like that so go over to her blog and join in on the fun!

Here's mine:
Forgive me Karl Lagerfield for I have sinned. It has been 10 months* since my last confession...

In an effort to appear more sophisticated, in the eight grade, I ditched my coke bottle glasses (even though I couldn't see shit), traded my "brandy" braids for an "aaliyah" swoop, and started wearing dresses and skirts.

My favorite outfit that year was a faux silk blouse, underneath a burgundy corduroy jumper, which I paired with opaque burgundy tights and black mary janes that were polished at the beginning and end of each day. When I wore this outfit I thought I was FLY!

So fly that I wore it on picture day, two eighth grade dances, at least once a month to church (even though it was kinda short) and to a bar mitzvah in May (where I almost fainted due to the heat).

I finally stopped wearing the outfit but only because my mother donated the jumper to the salvation army and the shoes no longer fit. I will however, swear on a stack of Chanel suits that I would wear that outfit again if it gave me the same confidence I had in the eighth grade.

*I made up 10 months, I was raised Baptist so I've never confessed anything in my life=)

Editors Note The brandy and aaliyah were in quotes because my hair was no where near as put together as theirs.

Guess Who's Bizack!

Hey yall sorry for the long hiatus. I definetely missed you guys! I've been trying to catch up on whats going on with everybody else's blog but it seems like everybody's been busy themselves! Whats up with slow posting Miss B* and Mz.Coko? Anyway being away so long has left me with a LOT of stories to tell. Since I'm new to this blogger thing I don't know if stuff that occurred last weekend is even still relevant right now, or if I even still feel like discussing them. I will tell you this though, I'll try not to stay away for too long again!

kisses and cupcakes
the narcist