My Work BFF

As you guys know, I started a new job and I work with a bunch of crazies. It's only natural that in that type of atmosphere I cling to the the most normal person there, the receptionist, Whitney*.

Whitney is my work BFF because she holds it down! If I'm late coming from lunch she always got me covered. She puts fun little messages on the coffee to brighten everybody's morning. She laughs with me when Amy Winehouse orders three jack and cokes at the office happy hours. She also keeps me abreast of all the office gossip, and alerts me immediately when a cute DHL/UPS/Fed-Ex guy comes through. I mean who could ask for better?

Despite Whitney's greatness, I sometimes wonder if we'd be friends outside of work. On paper we're pretty similar, we're both black, in our early twenties, and working to complete our education. You'd think we'd be able to carry our chemistry in the workplace, outside, but I just don't see that happening. Since I'm better at making lists then actually writing, let me give a few reasons why Whitney will only remain my work BFF:

1. She's a tramp**-Whitney is very pretty with a great curves that a lot of men have handled. When I commented on how cute one of the mail guys was she replied with, "I know he has a big ding a ling too." When I asked her if she wanted to go to a bar with me she replied with, "I can't, I fucked the owner two nights ago." When I asked her if the owner was responsible for the quarter sized hickey on her neck she replied with, "No, I wanted to go see Keisha Cole so I made out with this guy so he would take me." I responded with, "The tickets were only $20" she shot back with, "Yeah, but $20 aint free." After that I just stopped discussing men with her.

2. She's not that clever- I didn't realize this until recently because our previous conversations were only about boys, clothes, and our co-workers. I know I'm not one to talk; I can't spell, I constantly use run on sentences, and I don't believe in proofreading, but Whitney takes the cake. I don't even have the time to rundown all the silly stuff this girl has done. I will say this, she sincerely thought Prius was a planet.

3. She smokes cigarettes-EWW!

4. She doesn't think Common is sexy-Yall already know thats a deal breaker in my book! It's unacceptable to disrespect Common's sexiness.

*I call her Whitney because she's the Whitney to my Lauren. DUH !
**I don't judge those who share their bodies freely, I'm just not the type to do so. I'm sure everybody has a DHL guy, bar promoter, or aspiring rapper that they'd like to erase from the books. In my case I have all three=/