Rumpshaker Revisited

Many, many years ago in the fourth grade I suffered through a tragic and embarressing incident. Usually I don't like revisiting grade school horrors, unless of course it involves a fabulous gift pacakage like the one offered here, but today I experienced the familiar horror again so I felt compelled to share.

There was no greater honor in my fourth grade class then to be line leader for the day. After months of waiting (well really weeks but to a nine year old it seems much longer) I finally got my chance. This was really big shit at my school because you got to hold the flag during the pledge of the allegiance, and nobody could begin walking until you took your place at the front of the line. I took great pride leading my whole class to art, lunch, recess, and to the after recess bathroom break. Seeing as how it was a special day I decided to wear a skirt just so I would feel a little extra regal. Now during the bathroom break I decided to take my time in the restroom just so I could strut past all of my friends (and foes) to the front of the line. After doing my buisness in the bathroom I did just that.

After I made it to the front of the line I heard a few boys blurt out, "All I wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom." I had no idea what the hell those little assholes were talking about so I kept it moving. The long walk from the bathroom to the classroom was filled with giggles. I kept turning around to see what the hell was so funny but didin't see anything and nobody would tell me. I finally get back to the classroom and Mr. Liu, my fourth grade teacher, tells me that my skirt is tucked into my underpants. Which means that my Care Bear panites were exposed to the entire classroom for the entire walk. Till this day I'm pissed that that son of a whore couldn't tell sooner. For the remainder of the year, up until I switched elementary schools, I was called rumpshaker. Some of the more insensitive students would even sing the song. It was another three years before I ever wore a skirt/dress to school. I was seriously that tramautized.

Today while walking to Panera for lunch I had on this tan wrap dress that I got from the Target clearance section for 10 bucks. It was slightly breezy and outta nowhere my skirt just flew straight up exposing my supergirl boy shorts (I still like character panties, do not judge, i'm still fragile). In an effort to keep my skirt down I stopped in the middle of a super busy intersection. This caused a car to swerve from hitting my ditzy ass, and about three other cars to honk angrily at me. The near death experience brought all those old memories flooding back, and it should be needless to say that I will be wearing pants for the remainder of the week.

Thank you for listening.