Cat Attack

Last night on the way home from the gym I ran over a cat. I can tell you with a reasonable degree of medical certainty, that the cat is dead. It was a black and white cat that looked someting like this:


It was kinda cute (for a cat), and probably had an old owner who loved it dearly, much like the cat in the photo. It probably liked to play with yarn and meow and do some other cat-like shit.


The fact that the cat is dead is not what upsets me though. I'm upset because I told a few of my very good friends that I hit the cat and they all of sudden get all judge-y on me. Now, granted I am a known cat hater and have threatened the life of more then one cat, but that is no reason for them to just assume that I didn't try to avoid the cat. I tried so hard to avoid that damn cat that I nearly killed myself....Well not really, but I definetely could have jumped the curb and popped a tire, which would really suck because I spent all my money shopping so I would have had to ride around on a donut until next paycheck. But I digress...


I don't appreciate being labeled as a serial cat murderer just because I don't like cats. I've killed one cat in my entire 22 years of life, I don't think thats all that bad. I also got yelled at for not calling somebody to come help the cat after I ran over it. The cat is DEAD, who the hell would I call? I hope nobody thinks I would spend the $1.75 fee that my cell phone provider charges to call 411 so I could call the humane society. Not happening.



I love how all my friends forget about how cats try to kill ME. I'm allergic, so a cat just being around me could cause me to die...Well not really, but it definetely makes me itchy and sneezey and my throat gets all scratchy. Still it's incredibly uncomfortable! I'm sure it's not as uncomfortable as death, but it's certainly uncomfortable nonetheless. Not to mention, I have been the subject of many unprovoked hissing and scratching attacks. But despite all of that I still manage to find the good in those animals (they kill rats) and tried with every fiber in my being to avoid hitting that poor cat yesterday. But I guess that's not good enough for my jerk friends who all of a sudden became pro-cat and anti-me.



Why aren't they mad at the cat for its high risk behavior? Clearly the cat was a house cat, why was it out of its neighborhood? Why was it out of its house? Where is the old owner that is supposedly grieving said cat? That owner probably wanted the cat to die. Maybe, just maybe I've been set up. The cat could have been extremely rich, since so many animals are , and its disgruntled caretaker probably carefully planned its death last night. Yup, I'm pretty sure thats it, because I am no murderer!