Happy New Year

I get pretty excited every new year because it means new oppurtunites and new experience. I've had pretty great experiences this year and can only hope that next year's will be far better. Be safe and sexy, I'll talk to yall later.

Ugly Christmas Sweater

This weekend I'm going to an ugly Christmas sweater party and I want to win the $50 prize (cuz i'm broke as a joke, and it's not really funny). Now for some strange reason all the ugly Christmas sweaters have up and disappeared out of my house. This is strange because my mom's closet doubles as a crypt for ugly Christmas sweaters. I'm considering buying one but that would defeat the purpose of winning the money. So I'm counting on all my blogger friends and the blogger deities to help me out and suggest a couple of super cheap and super ugly Christmas sweaters. I want mine to look something like this:




This might be the prettiest thing I've ever created in Microsoft Paint.

My sweater will have to be far, far uglier. Thanks for the help in advance!

Screen Writers Guild of America

Please take one for the team and come back. I have nothing to watch on tv. And we all know how much I love tv.

Thanks from a fellow writer (well, lets be serious, part time blogger is a better title),

The Narcist

I Beg of Thee Take Mercy

I know I've been gone for a super long time and I'm sure whatever lame excuse I could come up wiht for being gone wouldn't really suffice (especially since i'm so judge-y when you guys take hiatuses) so I'll spare you the lameness. My absences has not gone unpunished by the blogger gods. A series of strange yet unfortunate events have occured recently and I attribute it to my being away for so long.

At first, it seemed that things were going my way. I went into the beauty store and found this lovely long curly weave for...wait for it...$8.99. So I beginning thinking that the weave gods have blessed me with this beautiful, synthetic creation b/c I'm so very deserving of pretty and cheap weave. Well it seems that the weave gods met with the blogger gods and determined that I was not deserving at all of this fortune because that damn weave made me break out on my cheeks. It was itchy and everything. Now yes the weave packet was a little suspect looking, and yes I found it sitting in a cardboard box labled for sale with a black sharpie, and yes the hair was extremely flammable (seriously flammable I put a flat iron to it and I smelled like burnt plastic all morning) but still the gods did not have to do me like that!

I also thought that things were looking up when my old manager at the Limited called me and personally requested that I come back and help her out during the holiday season. I was like wow, extra cash, a banging discount, and fun fun fun! I was wrong wrong wrong! Despite working for 3 weeks I havent been paid yet (b/c I filled out my W4 over the phone and did it wrong), the discount for vicky's secret and express no longer exists b/c they aren't under the same parent company anymore, and customers are assholes so it removes any fun one might have working at the mall. The really awful thing is that I've apparently gained a ridiculous amount of weight since I was 18 because now, none of the fucking clothes fit correctly!

So part of the reason I've been away is because I was trying to study for a final. I really had to study hard because I didn't complete any homework during the semester. In spite of my disregard for homework assignments I managed to have a 73% in the class. Now since I'm firm believer in the "C's get degrees" mantra I decided to work hard to keep it. The blogger gods did not think this was a good enough excuse to neglect them so they punished me by having the batteries in my calculater die mere minutes into my exam. They were dead dead too, not fading out dead, not I'm going to switch the batteries around and hope it comes back on dead, but dead as a doorknob dead (by the way I never understood that cliche). I was in my accounting exam using the edge of the paper to do long division!!! I mean lets be real who the hell remebers how to do long division? How dare my $90.00 Texas Instrument fail me!!! I am now praying to the real God that I managed to pull a C on that exam or that everybody else in the class failed causing my professor to curve heavily.

The worse punishment that I may be recieving is that now I may not have any of my 4.75 readers to complain to (my preganant friend and her dog read this blog therefore accounting for the 1.75 readers). Please blogger gods I am repenting! I can not take anymore of the cruelty you are inflicting upon me. I throw myself at your mercy!!!

Finally!

Since the beginning of my blogging career I've felt like the fat, pimply girl that never got asked to the school dance.
Drew Barrymore adequately portrays my emotions as the character Josie Grossie in one of my faves, "Never Been Kissed."

I know you guys are confused and probably thinking, "Why, Narcist, you're so wonderful, and witty, and lovely, what do you have to be insecure about?" Well the truth of the matter is yes I may come off as the picture of confidence, but inside I was worried that nobody truly loved me because I was never tagged for a meme. I lurked around other's memes laughing and sometimes commenting hoping that one day somebody would ask me to join in the festivities. But alas, it never happened and I was left eating brownies alone bitterly muttering, "I didn't want to do one anyway."

After gaining a bunch of weight waiting around, I decided to be a woman of the new millenium and asked one of the coolest, most popularest kid in the blogosphere to meme me! She said yes and even gave me a 14 bun salute (which I like to think of as my corsage)


So, I've got all gussied up (in my pink pj's) and I'm ready to PARTY!!

Finally without further ado, is my first meme!!!!

4 Dishes I Like to Cook:
1. red velvet cupcakes
2. funfetti cupcakes
3. yellow cupcakes
4. carrot cake cupcakes

4 Qualities I Love in People:
1. People who can cook foods other the cupcakes
2. People who don't interrupt my television time
3. People who buy me presents
4. People who know how to drive

4 Places I Have Been: (in the 07)
1. Nigeria
2. Miami
3. Canada
3. You're boyfriends bed=) (SIKE!!!)

4 Dirty Words I Like
1. Naughty
2. Trampy
3. Cunt Slut
4. Poop

Wow, that felt good. I was expecting the first time to hurt a little, hopefully I won't end up pregnant after this;)

Guess Who's Going to Mexico?

Muah Bitches!

(I'll wait for your jealousy to subside before I continue)

Actually that's all I really wanted to say. Madmoiselle just made her 100th
post so I felt like a slacker and decided to post something today=)I would go to B's page and harrass her about changing addresses and then not posting, but I don't really have any room to talk.

Okay, off to study=)

(I lied, I'm going on facebook and myspace first)

I'm Not Dead...I'm Just A Quitter

Hello Blogger Friends!

I know it doesn't seem like it but I've missed you so. I've tried to stop by a few of your pages intermittently and leave my two cents just so you know I still care. I done a lot of things in the past two weeks and I've even began to write about them.

Like there's the blog that I started about the worst road trip I ever took. Now I know I tend to be dramatic but the trip was seriously scarring. I drove down to A&T for their homecoming with my two cousins, my two sisters, my two good friends, and my gay friend. We slept at my cousin's cousin's (not a typo, she is the cousin of my cousin) apartment down there and I seriously went through changes. There was an auto accidents, an avoided hate crime, four mental breakdowns, and a banging chicken sandwich (it was a DAMN good chicken sandwich). I never finished that blog because just reliving the experience pissed me off (with the exception of the chicken sandwich), I'm still missing my flat boots and flat iron and I KNOW that theiving tramp has it! Anyways, like I said writing about it, angers me so I quit and went to eat ice cream...

I also started a blog about my friend's 24th birthday party. It was a dinner party and it was pretty damn fabulous. I looked so freakin cute that I couldn't stand it! There was a belly dancer and great food! The blog was on it's way to being posted until I realized that I didn't have my camera to post the pictures. I looked everywhere for my camera and couldn't find it ANYWHERE. So I quit and went to watch my DVR'd shows...

I've read alot in these past few weeks and I decided that I should volunteer my opinion on the books I read. I began my reviews, but then my best friend called so I quit...

Then I was going to blog about how my God daughter was a kitty for Halloween. She was the cutest thing ever, in the whole, entire universe, seriously I'm not exaggerating. That was all I had to say about that (hmm a slight Forrest Gump reference) so I quit that blog too...

So there you have it. That's what I've been up to during this hiatus. I'll also have you know that it took alot for me to actually finish this post because I was going to quit it and go out to dinner with my friend. He's running late though so I got to finish! HOORAY!

Why Lord Why?!

Chipotle Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 1 Burrito Bol
Amount Per Serving

Calories 1142 Calories from Fat 497

% DV*

Total Fat 55g

Saturated Fat 18.5g

Cholesterol 166mg

Sodium 3532mg

Total Carbohydrate 105g

Dietary Fiber 16.5g

Sugars 9g

Protein 58g

Vitamin A 136%

Vitamin C 74%

Calcium 34%

Iron 14%

Did you people know this? Please tell me that yall didn't know this or I will never be able to trust my faceless blogger friends again! I love Chipotle so so much and this really hurts. Ignorance truly is bliss

Horrified

Okay so I briefly mentioned that I took a weekend trip to Miami, which was great fun. As expected I participated in some drunken debauchery and have some pictures to prove it. Since me and my best buds are pretty cultural chicks we decided to hit up a museum. It wasn't just any museum, it was the World Erotic Arts Musuem. You're not going to see the average things there so it was a lot of fun. We also had a pretty cute tour guide named Dexter, who was a HUGE flirt (I guess you gotta be working in a Erotic musuem). There were very conspicous signs everywhere that instructed you not to take pictures, but my friends and I are severely hardheaded (plus Dexter wasn't protesting too much) so we blatently ignored them. Here are a few...


This is a king size bed with penis posts and karma sutra carvings on the side. It is truly a work of art. Apparantely the artist was building the bed for him and his wife, but he spent so much time on the bed that she ended up leaving him. He couldn't bear to chop the bed up or keep it so he sold it to the museum owner. They've since called it the "hardest wood."


This is one of my favorite pieces because I looooove shiny things. I also a fan of penises, so I'm pretty impressed by this work.

Our pictures weren't just of the art work. We got kinda crazy with the poses. It was all in fun and we figured anybody who didn't need to see them, wouldn't see them. When my bestfriend got home her father kept insisting on seeing the vacay pics. She is the worst liar known to man, and her father ended up finding her camera. He saw all of our pictures and even showed her mother. They burst out laughing and asked us what the hell was our problem. I will probably never be able to look her dad in the eye again. Her parents acted a lot cooler then my crazy ass parents would but I'm still incredibly embaressed. This is a less risque pic of me and our tour guide, Dexter.

I find it strange that the first picture I post of myself on this blog is of me bending a random man over to spank him, in front of a 8 foot tall, gold guilded penis. Oh well...

I really don't know what is worng with us but needless to say we had WAY too much fun with the camera.

Lazy

So I just got back from Miami where I had a great time with my best girlfriends. The problem with going on vacation is that, for me, it gets hard to do anything else. Three days before I left I didn't do any work. I didn't set any appointments, make any copies, or even transcribe the dictations my boss left for me. I pretended to work while really I was just sitting at my desk catching up on blogs. Friday I left a huge stack of "priority" tasks on my desk knowing that I would more then likely be calling in today. I got back in enough time to at least work a half day today, but the truth is I odn't feel like it. Why would I want to work when I just came from the beach? I called out sick and ate chipotle. I didn't even do my homework which was incredibly stupid because I have a very low A and I need to do my homework to maintain it, but whateever. I have watched everything on my DVR and have even caught up with all hte new videos out (doesn't alicia look pretty in the "no one" video?!) I tried to get up and go to the gym to work off all that good cuban food I ate this weekend, but I got sidetracked when telemarketer named "cory" called. I literally talked to a stranger for forty minutes. So now here I am in my gym clothes trying to get the will to go. To tell you the truth I odn't even feel like blogging. I think I'll finish my Carl Weber book and read the new Vibe. Chris Brown looks pretty yummy on it! I'll blog to yall later...

No Words

Rumpshaker Revisited

Many, many years ago in the fourth grade I suffered through a tragic and embarressing incident. Usually I don't like revisiting grade school horrors, unless of course it involves a fabulous gift pacakage like the one offered here, but today I experienced the familiar horror again so I felt compelled to share.

There was no greater honor in my fourth grade class then to be line leader for the day. After months of waiting (well really weeks but to a nine year old it seems much longer) I finally got my chance. This was really big shit at my school because you got to hold the flag during the pledge of the allegiance, and nobody could begin walking until you took your place at the front of the line. I took great pride leading my whole class to art, lunch, recess, and to the after recess bathroom break. Seeing as how it was a special day I decided to wear a skirt just so I would feel a little extra regal. Now during the bathroom break I decided to take my time in the restroom just so I could strut past all of my friends (and foes) to the front of the line. After doing my buisness in the bathroom I did just that.

After I made it to the front of the line I heard a few boys blurt out, "All I wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom." I had no idea what the hell those little assholes were talking about so I kept it moving. The long walk from the bathroom to the classroom was filled with giggles. I kept turning around to see what the hell was so funny but didin't see anything and nobody would tell me. I finally get back to the classroom and Mr. Liu, my fourth grade teacher, tells me that my skirt is tucked into my underpants. Which means that my Care Bear panites were exposed to the entire classroom for the entire walk. Till this day I'm pissed that that son of a whore couldn't tell sooner. For the remainder of the year, up until I switched elementary schools, I was called rumpshaker. Some of the more insensitive students would even sing the song. It was another three years before I ever wore a skirt/dress to school. I was seriously that tramautized.

Today while walking to Panera for lunch I had on this tan wrap dress that I got from the Target clearance section for 10 bucks. It was slightly breezy and outta nowhere my skirt just flew straight up exposing my supergirl boy shorts (I still like character panties, do not judge, i'm still fragile). In an effort to keep my skirt down I stopped in the middle of a super busy intersection. This caused a car to swerve from hitting my ditzy ass, and about three other cars to honk angrily at me. The near death experience brought all those old memories flooding back, and it should be needless to say that I will be wearing pants for the remainder of the week.

Thank you for listening.

Thanks!

I'm on my way to the gym (gotta work off the bday cake) so I'm gonna make this short. Just wanted to thank everybody for the birthday wishes and kind words. I'm over my birthday blues (presents and money will do that to you) and I'm in a much better mood then I was at the beginning of the week. Mom is totally over the comments and I'm over her own snide remarks. Especially since B* brought up an excellent point in the comments section, "u gotta think, back in your moms day, men actually COURTED women and wifed them up legally..." Excellent point my dear. There is more about this that can be discussed because it is so true, but that little tidbit definetely put things in perspective as far as relationships go. I'm starting to think B* needs her own talk show, while E2Deep needs a radio show. Make it happen people!!! I'm out.

My Birthday Eve

Usually when my birthday comes around I launch into pre-planned festivities that usually last for about a week. But for some reason I just didn't feel like doing that this year. I ended up going to Lucky Strikes this weekend where I had alot of fun and alot of drinks. I also spent lots and lots of money on clothes which is always fun but it still didn't give me the "it's my birthday" rush (whatever that is). My birthday eve is usally a joyous occasion but today it started off kinda crappy. I got in a huge fight with my mom because she decided to make some age-insensitive comments. She thought it would be a good idea to mention how by the time she was 23 she was a graduate and a wife, and that it amazes her that I don't even have a boyfriend and I can barely balance a checkbook. I retorted back with, " you may have been a wife at 23, but you were divorced at 41, so I guess you weren't so smart after all." It was a super low blow and I'm suprised that she didn't reach across the counter and slap me silly. I expected her to so I still ducked, but she didn't raise her hand she just looked at me and walked away. I want to apologize but I'm still kinda bitter about the comments.

I think the problem with this birthday is that at 23 people start expecting shit from you. And when you're not there yet you feel like you've failed at life. At least thats how I feel. I'm proud of my accomplishments but when throw them up against my mom's or even other 23 year olds I get kind of sad. Like maybe I'm not as great as I think I am. I don't really know what to do about this so I'm just going to ignore the fact that I'm turning 23 and call tomorrow my 22nd birthday part deux.

Sigh

So I already explained to you guys how I work with a bunch of crazies. Well one crazy in particular really rubbed me the wrong way. Amy Winehouse took her "I want to be black"-ness a bit to far today. For some reason when a incredibly sexy, black client walked into today, she felt the need to go on and on about how sexy that "nigga" was. Now granted she said "nigga" instead of "nigger" and I'm sure for some people out there that distinction is important. To me it really doesn't make a difference. Its inappropriate to say especially in the workplace. I'm pretty pisssed not because she said it but because of how I reacted to it. I basically ignored it. I really didn't know what to say or do. Its not like I've never heard the word tossed around before, it used to be a part of my everyday vocabulary. I know she's not a racist and didn't mean it in a hurtful manner. I'm kind of angry because it makes me wonder why she thought that using that kind of vernacular would be appropriate to me. I don't even understand why she feels the need to speak with a "blaccent" when she talks with me. I don't speak like that to her so I don't know why she thinks she needs to change her voice and tone when she speaks with me. I don't want to go to higher ups with the issue because the girl is on the verge of being fired and I'm sure that this would result in her recieving her pink slip. I also don't ignore the fact that she says it but confrontation is not my strong point. I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope that by the time she says it again I have an elequent and gentle response.

Wear Black

Tomorrow, I will be wearing my new, black wrap dress that I just bought, but it won't be for the paralegal I have my eye on. It will be in support of the Jena 6. I hope you guys will join me!

*kisses and cupcakes*

Cat Attack

Last night on the way home from the gym I ran over a cat. I can tell you with a reasonable degree of medical certainty, that the cat is dead. It was a black and white cat that looked someting like this:


It was kinda cute (for a cat), and probably had an old owner who loved it dearly, much like the cat in the photo. It probably liked to play with yarn and meow and do some other cat-like shit.


The fact that the cat is dead is not what upsets me though. I'm upset because I told a few of my very good friends that I hit the cat and they all of sudden get all judge-y on me. Now, granted I am a known cat hater and have threatened the life of more then one cat, but that is no reason for them to just assume that I didn't try to avoid the cat. I tried so hard to avoid that damn cat that I nearly killed myself....Well not really, but I definetely could have jumped the curb and popped a tire, which would really suck because I spent all my money shopping so I would have had to ride around on a donut until next paycheck. But I digress...


I don't appreciate being labeled as a serial cat murderer just because I don't like cats. I've killed one cat in my entire 22 years of life, I don't think thats all that bad. I also got yelled at for not calling somebody to come help the cat after I ran over it. The cat is DEAD, who the hell would I call? I hope nobody thinks I would spend the $1.75 fee that my cell phone provider charges to call 411 so I could call the humane society. Not happening.



I love how all my friends forget about how cats try to kill ME. I'm allergic, so a cat just being around me could cause me to die...Well not really, but it definetely makes me itchy and sneezey and my throat gets all scratchy. Still it's incredibly uncomfortable! I'm sure it's not as uncomfortable as death, but it's certainly uncomfortable nonetheless. Not to mention, I have been the subject of many unprovoked hissing and scratching attacks. But despite all of that I still manage to find the good in those animals (they kill rats) and tried with every fiber in my being to avoid hitting that poor cat yesterday. But I guess that's not good enough for my jerk friends who all of a sudden became pro-cat and anti-me.



Why aren't they mad at the cat for its high risk behavior? Clearly the cat was a house cat, why was it out of its neighborhood? Why was it out of its house? Where is the old owner that is supposedly grieving said cat? That owner probably wanted the cat to die. Maybe, just maybe I've been set up. The cat could have been extremely rich, since so many animals are , and its disgruntled caretaker probably carefully planned its death last night. Yup, I'm pretty sure thats it, because I am no murderer!

When Life Gives You Lemons...Go Shopping!

I've had a pretty hellish week and felt that I deserved some new stuff. I haven't been shopping since FOREVER and I may have went a little overboard this friday. I spent about three quarters of my check in a little under three hours. Now I'm a shopping pro so I very rarely get buyers remorse, but after I figured out that I spent 60 hours worth of work in 3 hours I got a little lightheaded. Now I'm looking at all my new purchases with the evil eye and I'm seriously considering returning them. The only problem with returning them is that I love them all and I really don't see how I can live life without them. Let me explain...

My first fabulous new piece is a psychadelic looking dress (read tunic), that is so short that if I was ever photographed in it I would be posted on DaddyLikey's Don't Showcha Your Chocha Series. Don't judge me...I like to get trampy on the weekends.

I also purchased a pair of black mary jane pumps that clearly I can't return because they bring back sweet memories of my favorite Junior High outfit. They also resembele the Manolo version so much that even Carrie Bradshaw would be fooled.

Yes. I know. They are glorious.

I bought a black wrap dress that's conservative enough to wear to work but sexy enough that the cute paralegal down the hall has no choice but to ask me out for lunch.

I went into Macy's and bought this silver Kathy Van Zeeland hobo. Now I know what you guys are thinking, Kathy bags are so gaudy and obnoxious. That is not the case with my Kathy bag. My Kathy bag is slightly ostentatious but still tasteful. It's expressive without being loud. Here is a picture of it's black cousin who is not nearly as cute...

The black isn't very photogenic, but trust me when I say that the silver is a dream!

I also bought a another dress, two more pairs of shoes, and some jeans that aren't really worth explaining but are all special in their own ways. I don't want to return any of these items because...well who cares why. I NEED clothes. I never have anything to wear and I feel that I was entitled to some retail therapy. NOTHING is going back!

Thanks for your time though.

kisses and cupcakes=)

Happy Rosh Hashanah

Turns out everybody at my job is Jewish. That means the poor lil black girl who loves Jesus will be working overtime for the remainder of the week just so the practice doesn't shutdown during the holiday. I feel like if they can get off for Christmas, then I should be able to celebrate the Jewish new year. But I guess things don't work like that.

This is my way of telling you that posts will be scarce in the upcoming days. I'm going to to take a nap now...

DUH!!!

As you may have discovered from reading my blog, I am incredibly dramatic. It should come as no suprise then that I have friends that are equally as dramatic. This past Friday my best guy friend called me and my cousin in an extremely distressed fashion and asked him to meet him for dinner. My friend is usually a jovial person so his depressed tone had me and my cousin perplexed. On our way to dinner me and my cousin ran through all the possible reasons he could be depressed and why he would need to see us so urgently. We came up with the following possible scenarios:

1. His mother has found him a wife and is forcing him into an arranged marriage. This option was highly feasible because he's from Afghanistan and because his mother brought two potential wives to his graduation party.

2. He was fired from his new teaching positon at a Muslim private school for forcing the students to learn the pledge of allegiance. So now he needs to borrow money from both of us

3. He's dying

Option three was least likely because he's only 23 and is fairly healthy. But the idea gained more steam once we started putting our facts together. Our friend had mentioned how he caught a strange bug in Europe at the beginning of the summer that he never treated because he doesn't have any insurance. We also noticed that on some of his new myspace pictures he looks about 40 lbs lighter. In our regular dramatic fashion me and my cousin had determined that our dear friend was in fact dying from a tragic and horrible disease and would be telling us tonight at Guapo's Restuarant and Bar that he only has six months to live. Since our friend showed up for dinner about half an hour late we had plenty of time to work ourselves into hysterics. The fact that we had downed large margaritas before he arrived did not help with our emotions. When he finally sat down he had tears in his eyes and was shaking so hard that he couldn't take a sip of his drink. He begins by telling us how much he loves us and that we are his closets friends on the planet and that he hope we won't be too hurt by what we're about to hear. The tension is too much and by now all three of us are at the damn table crying. We beg him to just spit it out that we can handle whatever he throws at us.

He tells us that he's gay...

We reply with, "Are you fucking kidding me? That's what you had to tell us?"

DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's more of a Will then a Jack but he is CLEARLY homosexual. It's something we've known since freaking middle school. I'm proud that he finally stopped lying to himself and us but he really put us through changes. Turns out that the bug he caught was nothing serious at all, and that he lost weight because he wanted to look good for his new gay life. He then told us that he wanted us to come to a gay bar with him next week and we instantly jumped at the chance (neither one of us has ever been). I'm pretty excited to see how it turns out and of course I'll let you guys know how goes=)

Junior High Fashion Confessions

Winona over at daddylikey.blogspot.com has come up with a genius and hilarious new contest. The contest allows one to relive horrific fashion choices from junior high as well as judge others for their even worse fashion sense. The winner will recieve a junior high flashback gift package that includes: a bottle of Revlon's Charlie perfume, Bonne Bell chapstick, a Boyz II Men cd, and much more! You know you can't resist a prize package like that so go over to her blog and join in on the fun!

Here's mine:
Forgive me Karl Lagerfield for I have sinned. It has been 10 months* since my last confession...

In an effort to appear more sophisticated, in the eight grade, I ditched my coke bottle glasses (even though I couldn't see shit), traded my "brandy" braids for an "aaliyah" swoop, and started wearing dresses and skirts.

My favorite outfit that year was a faux silk blouse, underneath a burgundy corduroy jumper, which I paired with opaque burgundy tights and black mary janes that were polished at the beginning and end of each day. When I wore this outfit I thought I was FLY!

So fly that I wore it on picture day, two eighth grade dances, at least once a month to church (even though it was kinda short) and to a bar mitzvah in May (where I almost fainted due to the heat).

I finally stopped wearing the outfit but only because my mother donated the jumper to the salvation army and the shoes no longer fit. I will however, swear on a stack of Chanel suits that I would wear that outfit again if it gave me the same confidence I had in the eighth grade.

*I made up 10 months, I was raised Baptist so I've never confessed anything in my life=)

Editors Note The brandy and aaliyah were in quotes because my hair was no where near as put together as theirs.

Guess Who's Bizack!

Hey yall sorry for the long hiatus. I definetely missed you guys! I've been trying to catch up on whats going on with everybody else's blog but it seems like everybody's been busy themselves! Whats up with slow posting Miss B* and Mz.Coko? Anyway being away so long has left me with a LOT of stories to tell. Since I'm new to this blogger thing I don't know if stuff that occurred last weekend is even still relevant right now, or if I even still feel like discussing them. I will tell you this though, I'll try not to stay away for too long again!

kisses and cupcakes
the narcist

Busy Bee

Hey Folks,

You won't be hearing from me for about a week. I'm getting slammed with work and starting school. Once I get my ish together I will be back informing you of my my mediocre yet crazy life. Try not to miss me too much=)

~The Narcist

My Work BFF

As you guys know, I started a new job and I work with a bunch of crazies. It's only natural that in that type of atmosphere I cling to the the most normal person there, the receptionist, Whitney*.

Whitney is my work BFF because she holds it down! If I'm late coming from lunch she always got me covered. She puts fun little messages on the coffee to brighten everybody's morning. She laughs with me when Amy Winehouse orders three jack and cokes at the office happy hours. She also keeps me abreast of all the office gossip, and alerts me immediately when a cute DHL/UPS/Fed-Ex guy comes through. I mean who could ask for better?

Despite Whitney's greatness, I sometimes wonder if we'd be friends outside of work. On paper we're pretty similar, we're both black, in our early twenties, and working to complete our education. You'd think we'd be able to carry our chemistry in the workplace, outside, but I just don't see that happening. Since I'm better at making lists then actually writing, let me give a few reasons why Whitney will only remain my work BFF:

1. She's a tramp**-Whitney is very pretty with a great curves that a lot of men have handled. When I commented on how cute one of the mail guys was she replied with, "I know he has a big ding a ling too." When I asked her if she wanted to go to a bar with me she replied with, "I can't, I fucked the owner two nights ago." When I asked her if the owner was responsible for the quarter sized hickey on her neck she replied with, "No, I wanted to go see Keisha Cole so I made out with this guy so he would take me." I responded with, "The tickets were only $20" she shot back with, "Yeah, but $20 aint free." After that I just stopped discussing men with her.

2. She's not that clever- I didn't realize this until recently because our previous conversations were only about boys, clothes, and our co-workers. I know I'm not one to talk; I can't spell, I constantly use run on sentences, and I don't believe in proofreading, but Whitney takes the cake. I don't even have the time to rundown all the silly stuff this girl has done. I will say this, she sincerely thought Prius was a planet.

3. She smokes cigarettes-EWW!

4. She doesn't think Common is sexy-Yall already know thats a deal breaker in my book! It's unacceptable to disrespect Common's sexiness.

*I call her Whitney because she's the Whitney to my Lauren. DUH !
**I don't judge those who share their bodies freely, I'm just not the type to do so. I'm sure everybody has a DHL guy, bar promoter, or aspiring rapper that they'd like to erase from the books. In my case I have all three=/

Dayum!

OH.MY.GOSH.

On a Random Note

I need a lawyer.

Today I was walking down the street enjoying a chicken, broccli and cheddar lean pocket, when all of a sudden I felt a pain so intense that I released a blood curdling shreik. Some hot cheddar had dripped from the bottom of the lean pocket onto my chin. It left a visibly red splotch on my chin for at least two hours. I'm considering taking legal action. It was seriously that painful...

In other random news I've changed the way I write my eights.

When I was in tenth grade I decided to change the way I wrote my eights because they weren't bubbly looking enough. Instead of constructing the number in one fluid motion, I would make two circles on top of each other snow man style. My eights looked somthing like this:


Around the beginning of August, I decided that a woman, 22 years of age should not have such childish and ackward eights. I began the eight transformation and I am happy to say that it is now complete. My new eights look something like this:

Well when I write it out it looks far sexier and much more sophisticated.

Thats all for now. If I said anything more you guys would think I was weird or somthing. What? You already thing I'm weird? Crazy too? Oh...

I Think...

...grape Shasta has crack in it. There is no reason for that soda to taste so good. And it's just not the grape, the fruit punch is pretty damn good too.



I'll come back and write a real post after I pour my fourth glass of Shasta and watch my recorded Big Love and Hills episode.

Please Explain Why

This is a picture of my little cousin's newest tattoo.



The P is for Princess....

I will never understand why a privileged 16 year old girl would do this to her finger. It looks super retarded to me because when she actually flips somebody off the P and crown are upside down. When I pointed that out to her she told me that I was a "Damn Hater" SMH.

Wanted

A fairy, genie, or any other magical creature that grants wishes.

I know it sounds pretty selfish; but if I could get my hands on one of these mystical creatures I wouldn't wish for an end to global warming, or world peace, or any other beauty pagent answer. I would ask for the following

1.) A flatter tummy- Now I'm pretty sure I can achieve this by myself, but it would be far less painful and sweaty if I could just wish my rotund gut away. I tried on a dress this past friday that I haven't worn since March. When I put on the dress I noticed that I looked approximentaly 4 months pregnant. NOT A GOOD LOOK! I was determined to wear the dress out so I stuffed my gut into a pair of spanx AND a corset. I couldn't picture myself induring those types of constraints for the whole night so I changed into jeans and a halter top. BOO!!!

2.) A fatter paycheck-I'm super tired of being super broke. I feel like I'm always playing catch up. I'm looking forward to starting a new position this Monday so hopefully we'll see an increase in my paycheck. Plus if my paycheck became really fat then I could knock out wish #1, get a tummy tuck, and then wish away global warming. See I'm not THAT selfish=)

3.) A Mr. Narcist-I'm quite shocked that I'd even wish this because I'm a firm believer in summertime being for singleness and winter time being for coupleness. However, I find myself wishing I could disappear to the beach for the weekend with a boyfriend instead with my girlfriends. Hopefully I'll get over this soon because MD/DC's current selection of men is seriously lacking! Oh yeah, Mr. Narcist would also have to love me with my ample belly and slim pockets.

So, if anybody knows of any genies looking for work, send them my way. I'll have a couple of things for them to do...

If You Want To Be Sad

Click here

What is left for them to take?

P.S. Aren't we all excited that I FINALLY learned how to link? Thanks for the help folks=) Okay back to the regularly scheduled sadness=(

Crazy Me

In a fit of rage I took some scissors to my head and started snipping at my hair. It was exhilarting but really, really stupid. As yall know (or may not know) I've been trying to go natural. I'm about five months into the transformation but the majority of my hair is still relaxed. I didn't like the two competeing textures so I just started cutting away at the permed hair. I cut like a madwoman with no form or direction so my hair ended up uneven. My sister got home and cursed me out for lack of forsight. She ended up cutting all of the relaxer in my hair so now I'm an official afrobella=) I was rocking the teenie weenie fro, but that didnt' last too long because it put my huge head on blast. My vanity made me call out from work on Monday so that I had time to get some emergency tracks put in. Don't worry though, I'm working on my issues. I've been listening to India Arie's "I Am Not My Hair" repeatedly and hopefully will be wearing my natural in the near future.

Lindsay Lohan Should Read My Blog

If she did read it she would notice that to the right there is a lovely ad by AdSense that would help her fight her many dui charges. Seeing as how she'll be needing a lawyer soon she could click the ad and fill my slim pockets. It's win/win for everybody!
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How Excited Are We To See Hairspray?

The only acceptable answer to this question is very excited!

Martinis For Everyone

I was going to continue with my rant about my horrible Tuesday but my mom asked me why I keep dwelling on the issue. She told me the more I discuss it the more it will continue to piss me off. She turned out to be right so I'm just going to leave it alone.

Besides how can I be mad when I have just learned a new amazing trick. Because of this special girl!




Hooray I know how to link places! Cyber martinis for everybody!

A Long Rant!

Have you ever woken up and everything just went wrong from the moment you stepped out of your bed? Well thats what happened to me today. The morning started off as any other normal morning. I was on the way to the gym and as usual I only took a water bottle and my keys. On my way to the gym, this pressed ass cop pulls me over for going 56 in a 45. He asks me for my liscense and registration. I hand him my registration but explain to him how I'm on the way to the gym and I don't have my license. After checking my name he comes back and asks me why I'm lieing and why don't I tell him the truth about what happened to my license. I'm thorougly confused at what he's talking about because I was telling him the truth. He tells me that my license is suspended and hands me two tickets totaling $400 and a mandatory court date. He then also tells me that I need to call somebody to come get me or my car will be towed. I'm like, "well I don't have my cell on me do you have one?" He tells me no and that the tow truck driver will have to take me home. The bitch ass tow truck driver arrives and rudely tells me to get outta the car. Then he loads my car up and begins to leave. I'm like, "Hold up! I thought you were taking me home. I'm like 2+ miles away from my house." His rude ass tells me that he's not a "damn drop off service". I tell the stupid cop that the stupid tow truck man refuses to take me home. I ask the tow truck man if I can use his cell phone to call somebody to pick me up. This asshole tells me no because he clearly wants to get my $172. The cop finally says, "okay I'll take you home but I have to handcuff you." WTF? I'm not getting into a cop car handcuffed when I didn't even do anything wrong! He tells me that driving on a suspended license is an arrestable offense and that he was doing me a favor. I didn't need any favors from that asshole so I let them take my car and I walked the 2 miles home. I wish I could say the mayhem ended there but it doesnt.

I go to the MVA to see why my license is suspended. The lady say that I have an outstanding ticket. I'm like what are you talking about? Nobody has ever told me of said ticket and I even renewed my license a short six months ago. I ask her what the tickets for and she says she doesn't know. Then I ask her how much the ticket is and she says she doesn't know. So now I'm pissed because I'm wondering how the fuck these imbeciles get hired at the MVA. She then snatches my license out of my hand and tells me she can't return it until I go to district court and get this mystery ticket taken care of.

I go to the district court with fear in my heart because the way the day is going I wouldn't be suprised if I was arrested for failure to appear or some other dumb charge. I'm actually suprised that I didn't get arrested for disorderly conduct for all of the bitch fits I threw that day...Anyway I go to district court and find out that this damn ticket is from 2005! It's a $60 ticket for improperly displaying my license plates. WTH does that mean?! I paid the ticket and got my reciept and went back the MVA. The stupid MVA lady sends me to counter 14 where I wait for 20 minutes. I finally get some service at counter 14 and this other dumb broad tells me that she doesn't know why they sent me here that I need a number. I throw my third bitch fit of the day and I'm approached by one of the security cops and told to keep my voice down. I go get a ticket and wait another 40 minutes to be called. I finally get to the counter to get my suspension lifted and she tells me that I need to take a new license photo. What the FUCK?! What happened to my license that you snatched from me a mere two hours ago??? She informs me that they shredded it...

The realization setteles in that these assholes shredded the best license photo I've ever taken.

I know I tend to be dramatic but I am not exaggerating. This was a photo that I prepped for. Everything about it was perfect; my half smirk, my shiny hair, the tilt of my head, EVERYTHING! Now they want me to take a new picture when I'm in my gym clothes and my hair looks shitty! I almost burst into tears because that photo was so damn good that I was once complimented at a drive through bank window, that photo also got my hair dresser a damn referral....

Okay I'm upset again. Sadly my suck ass day didn't end there. I'll have to finish later, probably tomorrow because I'm going to sleep and starting over.

Happy Monday Folks!

This post won't be too long because I only have 20 minutes before Big Love starts.

I just wanted to talk about my weekend. It was pretty good although I'm sure that my friend practiced extremely bad birthday girl decorum. On Friday I didn't go out but that didn't stop me from having loads of fun. I was home with my lil sissy and her BFF and we had some major girl talk. They sorta look up to me and were naive enough to ask me for some advice on boys. The poor girls didn't know that I am practically as clueless as they are, but I tried my best. We had a major calorie fest, which I had to make up for this morning at the gym, but it was totally worth it because nothing beats red velvet cupcakes and ginger ale. NOTHING...I challange you to find something that does.

Saturday I went out to the city for my friends birthday. The plan was to go to this Japenese/Mexican fusion spot called Zengos*and then head on down to Lucky Strikes for bowling and drinks. Dinner was great despite the high price tag and everyone was enjoying themselves so far. After dinner is where we ran into a little snag. The birthday girl decides that since she's the birthday girl she will valet park her 98 Honda Civic. That was a very stupid idea, because as soon as the valet pulled up her busted Civic it broke down in front of the ultra trendy restuarant. I became extremely mortified after her cousin pulled up her rickety Corolla and tried to jump the Civic. Needless to say we caused scene and drew a crowd. The only highlight of the ordeal was that I snagged the number of a very attractive onlooker;) The Civic was never revived and we ended up having to tow it away. So the birthday girl was out $160 towing fee as well as a $12 valet fee. Our troubles were forgotten after we made it to lucky strikes and drowned our sorrows in jolly rancher cocktails. The music was bumping and I had a great time even though I lost twice.

Sunday I woke up sans hangover and took myself to church. The dance ministry performed so well that it drove me and half the church to tears. I had a super big brunch compliments of middle sissy and got to watch the Roots marathon on TVOne. I didn't really do anything wild and crazy this weekend but it was the best I've had in awhile. I think sometimes I tend to underestimate how much fun I can have with old girlfriends or with my little sisters. Okay thats all the opening sequence has began!

*I feel like a complete loser because I'm the only person in blogger land who doesn't know how to link to places. I'd greatly appreciate some lessons in the comment section. Hopefully its not as hard as it seems.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Thats all, why spoil this moment with my insignificant words?

No We Can Not Hang Out on July 11th, and Most Certainly Not on the 21rst!

I would apologize for the extremely long and hostile title but I feel that I shouldn't have to. My anger is not directed towards you blogger friends (that would be silly since I only have like 7 of yall) but it is directed towards the my silly real life friends who insist on planning social activities on the most important days of the summer. For those of you losers* who don't know the 11th is when the newest Harry Potter movie comes out, and ten blessed days later is when the new Harry Potter book comes out. My insensitive friends who usually NEVER want to do ANYTHING all of sudden want to do these fun things. On Wednesday everybody wants to skip work and drive up to the amusement rides for hours of roller coasters and funnel cake. This is something that I would ususally rush to do because I haven't been on a roller coaster in three years due to a very tragic medical condition=( Also I love taking silly pictures with people in character suits, but really who doesn't. Then, to add insult to injury, my cousin and my sisters all want to go to the beach on the 21rst. Don't they know the single most important gift to literature is arriving that day? I swear they are some selfish gals. In order to appease my need for the Potter and have fun with my friends I think that I will go to the amusement park on Wednesday and go to a late show. Seeing as how I have that very special gift the movie will most likely start as soon as I show up. Then on the 21rst I will tell my friends to leave me alone in the sun for 8 hours while they frolick in the water so that I can devote my undivided attention to Deathly Hallows. They are SO lucky that I am SO smart or they would be Narcist free those dates!

*By loser I obviously mean not as obsessed as me. It is clear that my readers are a cool bunch of folk. Please don't be offended.

I Have Found My One True Gift

I have never been a talented person. I don't sing well, I can barely dance, and my artistic abilities don't extend past drawing stick figures. But this Friday I discovered that I am truly a gifted person. After being sick the whole week, I decided to go out and see Knocked Up. Being the lazy person that I am I decided that I'm just going to walk up into the theather and catch the next show. My sister scoffed at my lack of planning and told me that I could potentially miss the movie or have to wait 40 minutes for a new show. I looked into her doubtful eyes and said, "Let's just go and see." That is when I discovered that I have the ability to walk into any movie theater and the movie that I want to see will be starting. It never fails. I can just get the idea that I want to see a particular movie, and without calling Fandango or reading the newspaper I just go to the theater and that movie starts withing five minutes of my arrival! Now I know there are many of you out there who are like my hating ass little sister and feel like this is not a real talent. But just imagine never having to wait in line for a new flick, or having to listen to those annoying automated messages that give movie times. Its truly a gift from God, and I'm proud of my ability!

Still Sick

Saw the BET awards from my death bed last night. They were pretty good. I loved the Diana Ross tribute. I feel like Tracee got all her good genes and style. How come Beyonce is always copying somebody? I like her and think she's really talented but ybf always points out how she bites other peoples style. Seeing as how she's supposed to be an icon of of our generation I'd think she'd be a little more creative. Everybody looked pretty last night except for the people who didn't. Where was Jayz? Rihanna looked hot! Is Jayz bisexual now? First he's sleeping with Rihanna and now he lives with Larry Johnson? Whatever. Ciara stole the show hands down. She gave the best performance of the night. Can't wait for Alicia Key's cd to come out. She should sing. I guess I shouldn't be trying to recap when I'm drugged up. I'm going to stop now. Thanks for listening.

Swing Low Sweet Chariot

I am deathly ill my dear blogger friends. I'm in and out of fever, I have a sore throat, a headache, a hurt tummy, and I haven't eaten since Saturday. I feel the cold hand of the grim reaper around my throat and I know that soon it will be time to make my voyage into the promise land. I am not scared of my fate just a little sad. I'm sad that there will be no sexy Anthony Mackie look-alike to weep openly at my funeral, to yell to the heavens why it couldn't be him instead of his sweet beloved. I’m sad that there won't be any spoiled, greedy children to fight over my $927.42 fortune. I'm sad that I never got to have one of those obnoxious yet cute mini dogs that I can dress up and stick in my oversized bag. There is so much I haven't done in my short 22 year old life. It hardly seems fair that I must succumb to such and an awful fate.

Okay I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I will fight this cold with everything in me because I WILL meet an Anthony Mackie look-alike and have 2 of his babies. Before I die, I want my fortune to be much larger then $927.42. I also want my cousin to pay me back that $60 she owes me. I want my sister to give me back my damn yellow wedges so that I can be buried in them. I want my damn dog! I have a renewed spirit. I'm taking some medicine and going to sleep. I will live damn it! But just in case I don’t please tell my mom that I want 112 to sing at my funeral. I’m pretty sure they’re available. Thanks

Reason #17 Why I Love Rich Uncles

My two favorite uncles live in Nigeria and London and they are very wealthy petroleum engineers. I happen to be each of their favorite niece, but I don't tell the other that because I don’t want them to get jealous and stop the flow of money. Anyway today I just found out that my favorite British uncle will be sending me and my sisters on an all expense week long trip to London this August!!!!!! I'm more then a little excited because this suck ass job and my mediocre life have been depressing me. So I really need this vacay. My extremely generous uncle has also just sent me 1000 pounds which has increased my bank account by $1911.19!!! He just sent it, for no reason, simply because I'm great!!! My hater ass sisters will probably want a cut of the dough but it's okay. I'll share cuz I'm nice like that=)

I really feel sorry for my future husband, because my father and uncles have spoiled me something serious. My future husband will have no choice but to buy me pretty things and send me on lavish vacations in order to win my undying love♥

Money makes me happy=)

Reason # 632 I Love My Mama

Many, many moons ago, on my way to beginners pole dancing I was pulled over and ticketed on a bogus charge. I did nothing illegal but the stupid cop behind me decided to run my tags just for fun! He then discovers that my car was overdue for its emissions test and hands me a whopping $140 ticket!!! I wasn't even given a warning or a firm finger wagging, just an expensive, unnecessary ticket. I was pissed off, rightfully so, and I vowed to go to court and fight that damn ticket with every fiber of my being. The court date comes around and for some stupid reason I didn't go. I decided not to let my rage over the ticket destroy me. So I placed the notice on the kitchen counter and said I’ll pay it later. Only problem with that is that I'm poor. My sweet mother finds the ticket and missed court date on the kitchen counter and proceeds to curse my dumb ass out. She yells that I'm going to be arrested and sent to jail for failure to appear in court. She also tells me that there is probably a warrant out for my arrest already. This leaves me shaking in my boots because I'm simply too cute for the big house. She tells me to calm down that she will pay the ticket and I will simply pay her back when I get the money. That kind gesture is not reason # 632 why I love my mom. I love my mom because I know that she knows in her deepest of heart that she will never see that $140 again.

God Bless that selfless woman!

My Weekend

Happy Monday Blogger Fam! How was everybody weekend? Good? Great! Let me tell you 'bout mine....it sucked.

No I will not end there.

Friday I got all excited because I was presented with all the makings of a good weekend. I had a little extra money left over from my meager little paycheck, I had new wedges that were itching to be broken in, I had a fresh new weave (I kept the spiral deep), and the weather decided it was going to sunny and hot. I was ready!!!The plan was to for us to hit up this "hot" bar in Bethesda (and yes I know that such a thing doesn’t exist in Bethesda but I was wishfully thinking). The bar was promoting an all you can drink for $10 deal and an old high school friend was supposed to be emceeing so I went against my better judgment and went. Now the night’s downfall came when we discovered that the $10 deal was only during 8-10pm. Time constrictions mean nothing to my hood ass friends, so we arrived there well after ten due to three ensemble changes, a pit stop for some salt and vinegar chips, one more stop at the atm, and then a run through the McDonalds drive-thru. When we get to the bar I almost burst into tears because there were literally 17 people in there. 9 I knew from high school. 5 were over the age of 40, and the other 3 people came with me. Then the DJ had the nerve, the audacity, to play The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song after a hour of bad top 40 pop songs! The only break my ears received was when he decided to play my new favorite song “Wipe Me Down” (don’t judge me). So now I'm pissed because my beautiful and revealing halter top, my new wedges, and new weave are wasted on this DUMP! I have to listen to songs that aren't even songs and I don't even get free liquor!!! Then one of my friends from high school starts making out with my cheek and whispering sweet, incoherent nothings into my ear. Sadly this was the only highlight of the evening (and the most action I've received all year). One of the friends I came with doesn't want to leave because she's flirting it up with the wack DJ, the other one is chain smoking and downing free beers bought for her by our emceeing friend, and the other was busy pop, lock, and dropping it on top of the bar for the five 40 year olds. So I had no choice but to listen to bad top 40 songs, drink weak ass drinks, and enjoy the sweet kisses my face was recieving until 3 am.

The rest of my weekend went something like this:

Saturday: Woke up showered did nothing

Sunday: Woke up (missed church), called dad, did nothing.

Now here I am on Monday bitter about my sucky ass weekend. Next week just has to be better!

The Backhanded Compliment

So I started my current job a mere three weeks ago and everybody here is pretty cool with the exception of the IT guy (he's another story). When I first started working here I was in between hair appointments so the weave i was rocking was a little on the beat side. My roots needed to be hot combed, some tracks were loose, and i'm pretty sure my hair smelled....So I finally convice my homemade hairstylist aka my younger sister to hook me up since I'm low on funds. She creates a short and lovely curly doo, which I like because it introduces folks to what I may look like with short hair. So I go into work the next day and my supervisor is like "WOW! Your hair looks GREAT!" I say thanks and keep it moving because she always extra excited about nothing. Then my fave coworker LaKeisha comes by and damn near stop in her tracks, "Who did your hair? Its FABULOUS!" I get a little suspicious of Keisha's overzealousness but I get over it because Keisha is a sista and can appreciate a new weave. But when Dr. Hyunh our middle aged, Asian, lab man came and told me how nice I looked, I knew something was up. I was a victim of a backhanded compliment. I must have looked so damn busted before that people at my new job are over complimenting me just to make sure I never come back looking liek that again!! I mentioned this to my BFF and she told me I was overreacting! That I didn't know how to take a compliment! If that is the case, my dear friend, then why the hell are my coworkers coming up to me a full WEEK later commenting on the hair?! I don't know what to now because I'm under SO much PRESSURE! I have to get my hair redone this weekend and I don't know if I should switch it up or remained curly headed. What if I go with that pack of spanish wave i've been eyeing and my coworkers ask what happened to the spiral deep? I truly don't know what to do with myself. Why the hell can't people leave their opinions to themselves?!

Fade to Black

The series finale of the Sopranos came on last night and I know I wasn’t the only one that cursed and screamed when the show faded to black. It simply broke my heart the way they ended the networks greatest series. After a boring and uneventful season I expected fireworks, excitement, and most of all closure for one of my favorite series of all time. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the writers hadn’t played with our emotions for the last five minutes of the episode but those jackasses did! They had me all hyped up in front of the TV thinking that my cable had went out. Then what was the deal with the cat??? Was it Adrianna??? Is there going to be a movie??? Its not that I wanted Tony dead or indicted, it’s just that I need to know what the hell happened??? Has he been dead for many episodes like many viewers are saying? This morning I went on HBO.com to see what other fans have to say. There are many theories going around but my favorite so far has to be this posted by T4Noble…

The first episode this season Tony and Bobby B are sitting in a boat. They have a conversation about getting whacked and Bobby says “I bet you don’t even hear it coming, it just all goes black” (or something to that extent). Then in last week’s episode they revisit that conversation. His family is coming in one by one, first Carmela, he loves her, but has hurt her, so she sits first, AJ, he is blood, he is his only son, but they have had their troubles, he sits second. Then there is Meadow, his princess, he loves her, they had their troubles, but she is the best person out of all 4, so she has the honor of being the last family member seen by him. Final scene of her coming through the door is being viewed as if we were Tony Soprano, the last thing he sees is the greatest thing he ever put into the world. Then, no sound, blackness, not even music through the credits. Tony got whacked as Meadow came through the door. There is no way to cinematically do Tony’s death justice. He was bigger than life for us through the whole show and the writers could not show him killed, there was no way to do it right.

Now this man has to be a complete genius or completely obsessed. Either way he has brought the closure I desperately needed from this show. Here is another one by MonkeyCox

The second Tony walks into the diner he gets whacked.We see his life flash symbolically before his eyes-all the people who come through the door were
victims of his rage- the black kids, the pudgy guy,etc. We see Tony, Carm and AJ taking the onion ringsymbolically, like wafers. They are the family. Theholy trinity, if you will. Meadow can't park her carbecause she doesnt fit in. Tony never sees her comein, and if you watch her experssion as she approachesthe diner she is ver very worried. The last thing wesee is tony looking up and then black. He never saw it coming

Here is what I personally think that cop out ending was about….

Phil got whacked and an uneasy peace was forged. After that, Tony essentially resumes his life and goes around having dinner with his family. Tony or anyone around him will ever entirely be safe, and anyone walking into a restaurant where he's having dinner might be the guy who ultimately offs him. Or not. Sure, the build-up of tension in that last scene seemed to promise an ultimate pay-off for the viewer a punishment for all of Tony’s horrible actions during the series and especially the last season , but to me it was essentially telling us that this is Tony's life -- you spent years with him, wondering if he'd live or die at the end. Well, it's the end, and he's alive, but maybe only for a few moments after the screen goes dark, or maybe he dies an old grandfather, with Meadow's son spraying insecticide into his face. Those of you who wanted Tony to live got your wish, and those who wanted Tony to die got a taste of what he was going to be living with until it happened.

Can you tell I’m slightly obsessed??? I will seriously watch every episode of every season until the finale makes sense to me.

Losing Isaiah

Image via Concrete Loop

Isaiah Washington, Dr Burke on Grey's Anatomy, has been fired from the cast unceremoniously. Many saw this coming after hearing him refer to costar T.R. Knight as a faggot on two separate occasions. Soon after there was a firestorm of controversy and other costars such as Katherine Hiegl repeatedly expressed their hurt and anger in the media. Then Washington’s character’s plotline was conveniently and quite simply resolved leaving no teaser for the next season.

TMZ.com reports Washington's openly gay co-star T.R. Knight was psychologically injured so badly by the F-word incident that perhaps Washington should be empathetic to his feelings.

Hmm what more can Isaiah do besides going to counseling, publicly apologizing, and recording a PSA so that others can learn from his own mistake. What he said was wrong but hasn't the man done enough atonement? He didn’t even submit himself for a Golden Globe nomination and Lord knows he deserved one after season 2. Isaiah has been quoted as saying, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” and I don’t think that he should! They’ve basically made an example out of him and it’s unfair. I don’t want to open old wounds but Don Imus, KKKramer, and Mel Gibson have hardly been held accountable for their hurtful words. Although Imus was fired there are talks of him getting an even more lucrative position on satellite radio!

I’m also joining Washington in his anger because I feel like the media likes to crucify black entertainers. I don’t believe Janet Jackson was entirely innocent during Nipplegate, but she has since apologized PROFUSELY. Yet her career hasn’t bounced back from the controversy. Meanwhile her partner in crime Justin Timberlake emerges from the firestorm unscathed. I can’t help but to worry that Isaiah’s career will suffer the same fate as Janet’s. He is an incredibly talented actor and doesn’t deserve that. One can only hope that he won’t take this lying down, that he will gracefully come out of this mess on top…

2/19/2007

...was Presidents Day. It was also the last time i recieved a relaxer. Needless to say my hair is all kinds of N-A-P-P-Y! This isn't so bad because to aid in the growth process I keep my hair tracked up and braided up. The problem is, is that I'm tender headed. EXTREMELY tender headed and have been so since I was a young girl. So braiding or even combing my hair causes indescribable pain. I don't know what to do because I don't want to relax my hair and i don't want to cut it all off(my face is too fat for that). I'm going to stop by Afrobella to see if she has any suggestions. Wish me luck on this painful journey.

Is White The New Black?

Being the fashionable girl that I am, I couldn't help but to notice the newest trend amongst black starlets. They have a great new accessory that seems pretty affordable for the average gal....a white guy. Many famous sisters who have been unlike in love, like the lovely Halle Berry, have stopped waiting around for the so called IBM (Ideal Black Male).


Halle and her boy toy Gabriel


My Fave Couple Robin Thicke and Paula Patton


Kerry Washington and her Former Fiance


My Favorite Seattle Grace Intern Justin Chambers aka Karev with his Beautiful Brown Wife

I've never dated outside of my race, but I'm eager to see how this new trend would look on me, or better yet, on top of me! Sorry for the crude joke but its been awhile and as you can see my mental health has been slipping. So will anybody else be trying this new trend? Or will you still be toting around last seasons black guy? Either way I'm sure you'll still be fabulous because love is always in style♥

Are You There Blogosphere? Its me The Narcist

Hello to everybody (and most likely nobody). I'm the Narcist. A girl who isn't all that egotistical but just needed a spot where I could express things that I care about and enjoy. I don't know why the noun version of narcissism is both narcist and narcissist but you will see that I use them interchangeably.

I'm not going to go on and on describing myself because really I don't know how to and I'm sure you'll learn what kind of person I am by reading my blog. I just got bored at work today and after reading my horoscope I decided to do something creative. That is how this little slice of blogosphere was born. My blog doesn't fall into any particular subject catagory, but you'll usually read about what kind things I want to buy but can't afford, how much I hate my job, how I want to get in shape, and which friends/boys are pissing me off. There will be little bits of celebrity gossip sprinkled amongst the postings just in case my lil ole Maryland life isn't interesting enough for you folks.

Now there are just a few things that I feel I should reveal to you before we start this relationship. I can not spell and I do not care. Most of my blogs will be grammatically incorrect and sometimes even incoherent (I've been known to drunk type). I don't know the exact rules of blogging so if I take a picture or a video of yours that I liked I will give homage but don't yell if I don't do it properly. I often run off on a tangent. I'll try not to but I can't make any promises. I'm pretty needy so I enjoy feedback and comments. I think thats all for now. I hope we can build something lovely.

Oh yes, did anybody get the title? Its a throwback to one of my fave Judy Blume books=)

Numerology

Now I am a God fearing young lady, but I often find myself being drawn into these tell the future type gimicks. I always claim they're a load of bull but I secretly get excited when my horoscope is even slightly accurate. I guess you could say I enjoy glimpsing into an uncertain future. Anyhoo, I was watching VHI RockDocs The Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes story and they touched on her own facisnation with numerology. The whole thing kinda freaked me out because it was so accurate! So I went to go see what my number was (because if it aint about me it don't matter) and apparently my lifes path is a 7.



This means nothing to me! Does the number 7 guide my life? Are 7s like Libras? Are there certain traits that 7s posses? The whole thing seriously pissed me off. The site (which shall remain nameless) just gave me a stupid little paragraph that was in a stupid little metaphor that meant absolutely nothing to me! I'm just going to stick with Jesus on my life's path and not the number 7 (although it is a quite divine number). Thanks for listening